Books That Cause
a Tingling Sensation
in My Left Testicle
The following are titles of some of the more interesting books I’ve seen on Amazon.com lately:
Humor Is the Battery in the Personal Vibrator of Life
Some Kennedys Are Born Drunks, Others Have Drunkenness Thrust Upon Them — by Len Kennedy
Quitting Smoking Isn’t as Easy as Quitting Sex
How to Not Quit Smoking but Who Cares?
How to Quit Smoking without Taking Up an Even Worse Habit, Like Committing Suicide
101 Creative Ways to Commit Suicide
Introducing Bastology: The Scientific Study of Bastards and Bastardly Behavior
The Little Bastard That Could: An Inspirational Tale for Little Wankers
Antisocial Recluses, Unite!
We’re All Gonna Die — So Cheer Up! Humor for the Happy-Go-Lucky Pessimist
Girls Who Play Hard to Get Won’t Get Gotten: A Contemporary Guide to Dating — by William Jefferson Clinton
Blondes May Have More Fun, but Brunettes Tend to Have More Active Brain Cells
Brother, Can You Spare Some Crack? The Unexpurgated Autobiography of Former Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry
“Sleep Deprivation Is Not Conducive to Optimal Cognitive Functioning” . . . and Other Common Southern Expressions
“Well, Lick My Ass and Call Me a Lollipop!” . . . and Other Old Sayings I Just Made Up — by Vox Dementia1
Take the “A” Train — and Stick It Up Your Ass: The Rantings of a Disgruntled Former Jazz Fan
The Little Engine That Didn’t Give a Damn Whether It Did or Not
Yeah, Whatever: In Defense of Indifference
Gripping Survival Stories about Idiotic Schmucks Whom You Neither Know nor Care About
Why I’m Not a Lesbian — by Len Kennedy
How Do You Know I’m Not a Bearded Lady with a Deep Voice and a Six-Inch Clitoris? — by Len Kennedy
The Most Bestest Book on Grammer EVAR! A More Briefer Reference Manual for They Whom Ain’t Got No Time for Nuthin’
Them There Rednecks Done Been Fixin’ to Boycott Grammar
We Gonna Learn You How to Talk Real Good — by the Alabama Bored of Education
Humor for the Sophisticated Redneck — by Uncle Booger, Esq.
Hey, I Ain’t Got No Problem with Niggers — by “Former” Ku Klux Klansman David Duke
Men Who Like to Stick Fruits, Vegetables, and Kitchen Appliances Up Their Asses . . . and the Women Who Love Them
Peacocks & Pussy Willows: Ambiguously Dirty Stories for Nature Lovers
One Swallow Does Not a Girlfriend Make
Man Gets Killed by Swarm of Lactating Locusts and Lives!!! . . . and Other Typical Tabloid Tales
The Pros and Cons of “Offshore Drilling”: A Cost/Benefit Analysis of Adultery
¡Viva la Vulva, Viva la Verga! Dining Out “Below the Equator”
“Would You Like Some ‘Tartar Sauce’ on That ‘Fish’” . . . and Other Less-than-Stellar Pick-Up Lines
Free “Sausage” for Anyone with a “Friction Cooker”: A Book of Sexual Innuendoes (Quotation Marks Sold Separately)
A Different Kind of Liquid Protein Diet: Yeah, You Know What I’m Talkin’ About — by Dick Smegma
Love and Lust Go Hand in Pants: A Psychological Analysis of Romance — by Ludwig vas Deferens
I Left My Gerbil in San Francisco
Damn — I Got a Fat Ass! The Autobiography of Your Mother
The Manly Frenchman Who Loved to Bathe and Wasn’t the Least Bit Pretentious . . . and Other Short Stories That Prove, Once and for All, Truth Is Nowhere Near as Strange as Fiction
Zen and the Art of Domestic Violence
Zen and the Art of Drinking Pee
Zen and the Art of Writing Books about the Art of Zen
Len Buddhism: The Sound of One Hand Bitch-Slapping the Bourgeoisie — by Len Kennedy
Striving for Mediocrity: A Primer on Democracy
How to Juggle Fat, Flatulent Midgets While Masturbating Monkeys Fling Poop at You
A Directory of Kathys Who Are Nicknamed Kat — Not Just Because That’s the First Three Letters of Their Name . . . but Because They Lick Themselves
Why Only Spank the Naughty? — by William Jefferson Clinton
How to Be as Happy as a Masochist with His Balls in a Vise
The Little Engine That Liked Other Little Engines of the Same Gender
“Ouch — My Nuts!” Why Prisoners Rarely Have Sex in the Missionary Position
Who’s That Comin’ in My Back Door?
Please Don’t Confuse Acute Angina with a Cute Mangina: A Reference Manual for Gay Doctors
“Well, I’ll Be a Monkey’s Fuckhole” . . . and Other Old Midwestern Sayings I Just Made Up — by Vox Dementia
For an Older Lady, Your Mother’s Got an Awful Lot of Spunk (Dripping Down Her Chin)
Everything a Kennedy Says Is a Lie — by Len Kennedy
23,672 Things You Should Do to Simplify Your Life
How to Waste Years of Your Life Losing Over a Hundred Pounds Only to Find That You’re Butt Ugly
Take My Wife — and Fuck Her in the Ass: The Dark Side of Henny Youngman
How to Enjoy Life to the Fullest Despite Being Deaf2
Bullshit, Dogshit, Horseshit, and Hogshit: A Brief History of Politics — by Ex–Vice President Al Gore
If You Are What You Eat, the French Must Be Eating an Awful Lot of Pussy
If Ignorance Is Truly Bliss, Why Aren’t More Americans Happy?
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star — Who the Fuck Just Stole My Car? The Suppressed Manuscripts of Dr. Seuss
Neo-Nietzschean Quasi-Existentialism for Dummies
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being a Fucking Moron (Now with Fewer Big Words)
One Man’s Frozen Sperm Is Another Man’s Low-Carb Ice Cream: An Informal Introduction to Friedrich Nietzsche’s Perspectivism
Premature Ejaculation: Sexual Dysfunction or Good Time Management — You Decide
Just Because Alcohol Is a Good Social Lubricant, That Doesn’t Mean It Will Inevitably Lead to Other, More “Sinful,” Forms of Lubrication: A Critique of the Slippery Slope Fallacy
Just Because a Guy’s an Ass and a Fucker, That Doesn’t Mean He’s an Assfucker: An Informal Look at Informal Logic and Logical Fallacies
Just Because a Maxi Pad Has Wings, That Doesn’t Mean It Can Fly: Still More Logical Fallacies
Just Because a Guy Has His Dick in a Jar of Chunky Peanut Butter, That Doesn’t Mean He’s Fuckin’ Nuts: See, Kids — Logic Can Be Fun!
Why Just Keep Abreast of Things When You Can Keep a Vagina?3
Never Underestimate the Ubiquity of Schadenfreude: A Cross-Cultural Exploration into Why We Take a Mischievous Delight in the Misfortunes of Others — by NASCAR Legend Dick Trickle
How to Be Erudite without Being Obfuscatory: A Prolegomenon to Penning Prolix Prose
Gods of a Feather Die Together: A Brief History of Greek Mythology
Slaughtering Sacred Cows for Fun and Profit — by Len Kennedy
Allah Must Be Spinning in His Grave — by Salman Rushdie
An Alternative Way to Mount a Horse: A Beginner’s Guide to Bestiality
Fun for the Whole Fucking Family: The Lighter Side of Incest — by Anonymous Amish Guy
Halftime: A Guide to the World’s Sexiest Double- and Quadruple-Amputees
“Mama la Verga del Diablo, Pendejo” . . . and Other Common Latin-American Greetings
“All Y’all Junkfuckin’ Rat-Rapers Can Suck My Dirty Fuckstick” . . . and Other Common Southern Greetings
“Don’t Fuck My Ass and Tell Me Yer Checkin’ My Plumbin’” . . . and Other Old Southern Expressions I Just Made Up — by Vox Dementia
“If You Can’t Take the Heat, Go Suck Satan’s Pussy, You Pasty-Faced Pigfucker” . . . and Other Fun Cliché Reformations
Mr. Redundant-Guy-Who-Always-Repeats-Himself’s Guide to Having Sex and Fucking — by Mr. Redundant-Guy-Who-Always-Repeats-Himself
The Show Isn’t Over Till My Mother Sings — by You
God Loves You Unconditionally — Unless, of Course, You’re a Gay Homosexual Faggot-Ass Queer — by Pat Robertson
How to Blow Shit Up and Kill People: Improvised Munitions for Children
Good, Clean Jokes for Dull, Boring Folks: Humor for the Weak and the Stupid
I’m Sure Book Reviewers Love Their Families and Wouldn’t Want Anything Bad to Happen to Them
