Banning guns is one thing.  Banning penises is another.  One thing leads to another.  Therefore, banning guns will inexorably lead to banning penises.

     The logic is irrefutable.

     And that’s not all: As we slide down this slippery slope, banning penises will inevitably lead to subsequent bans of other phallic objects, such as hammers, pens, and water towers.  And I believe it was the cocaine-addled brain of the sometimes-delusional bastard Sigmund Freud that puked out the thought (in his book I’m Not Just Some Delusional Bastard with a Cocaine-Addled Brain): “A life in which you are not allowed to hammer pens into water towers is no life at all.”

     The following is but a small fraction of a percent of the possible repercussions of a worldwide penis ban:

• Wiener dogs would be slaughtered out of spite
  
• People like me would take up fencing and stickball, because we like irony
• Certain names would become unfashionable — e.g., Peter, Dick, and Rod
• “Do I play the pipe organ?  What, are you crazy?”
• Hicks would affix bumper stickers to their cars that read, “You’ll get my cock when you pry it from my cold, dead (and heavily callused) fingers”
• Farmers would cringe upon hearing a cock crow
• Prostitutes wouldn’t get quite as many customers
• Pimps wouldn’t need quite as many prostitutes
• Jobs would be lost
• ?
• Sex would be spelled f-o-r-e-p-l-a-y
• The same dolts who dreamed up the “Guns for Toys” program would conjure up something just as fair—and by fair I mean utterly absurd—to try to coax men into exchanging their joysticks for something of “equal value”: “Penises for Pastries”
• Prisoners would no longer feel uneasy when they dropped the soap
• Jokes about prisoners dropping the soap would no longer be funny
• Inbreeding could no longer be the Mormons’ favorite pastime
• Even the pope would say, “What the fuck?”
• For once, I’d agree with something the pope has said.